It’s Okay To Schedule Sex

DISCLAIMER: This blog is all about sex, and if the topic makes you uncomfortable, or if you’re underage click out now. This blog is for consenting adults.

Back in my hay day, spontaneous sex was the absolute best and something I knew well. You know that sex that just happened anytime and anywhere. That sex on the side of the road in the car. That sex in the office after hours…I’m talking about that sex.

Today, while there is the occasional spontaneous session, sex looks a bit different. It’s a little more edited. Now notice I said edited, not boring.

In a marriage or relationship that include working adults, children, and side hustles, sometimes things change. No, actually, things do change. You now have to juggle your time between, work, kids activities, being a mom, being a wife and me time.

Remember that spontaneous sex talk in the beginning of this blog. Yeah, well when you’re now juggling all the things, sometimes you have to pencil in sex.

*Brief interruption…shout out to all my co-sleepers AND parents of older children that don’t sleep! We the real MVPs! Keep reading.*

Now let’s talk about a regular day in the life scenarios and how to pencil IT in…

Scenario 1: Get up, get dressed, exercise (maybe), fix lunches, drop off kids, commuting, 8-10 hour work day, kid activities, come home to cook, help with homework, qt with the kids, and by this time, depending on the work day, this could end around 9, 10 or 11 PM.

Scenario 2: Get up, get dressed, exercise/meditate (maybe), get up littles, work at home, chase kids, work, fix kids lunch, break up fights, work, kids nap time, do some laundry, start dinner, shower before mate gets home, serve dinner, bathe kids, put them to bed 5 times. By this time, it’s 8:30, 9, 10 PM.

Sound familiar? Now these are two different scenarios, but both of them are long days, and in most cases, M-F. If you fall into one of those scenarios, or somewhere in between, pencilling in sex is totally okay! I will say this, it’s going to take a bit of creativity, but make it fun! First thing, decide how often you want to have sex. Maybe you’re a M, W, F or a T, Th, Sat or perhaps you’re a W, Sat. You get the picture. Sit down with your partner and pencil it in. Flirt while you do it.

Warning: this activity may lead to impromptu sex.

Leading up to it, send cute little messages throughout the day. After 14 years, we still text dirty. Keep that spark alive! Get creative! If it’s the day, make sure you stick to your daily schedule. Get done what you need to get done. Quite honestly, it will make you more motivated to finish all the things a bit early knowing what’s coming later. Put those kids in the bed, turn on “THE” playlist and get to work.

Now remember me mentioning the older children that don’t sleep and the co-sleepers? Yeah this is where you get creative with the “how to get it done”. My truth, my kids are older. They know that if our door is closed and locked, just head to bed. Now to my co-sleepers, I was once you. Pallets on the floor, next to the bed. Meet me in the shower. Break out the cuffs. The honey. The hot oil. Blindfolds. Role play. Humph, I am NOT above playing a naughty student to the teacher…You get my point. It does not have to be boring.

Let’s discuss what happens if you just don’t feel up to it? Rescheduling sex is perfectly okay. Sometimes you’re just tired or sometimes your mate done got on your nerves and you have an attitude lol. For myself, the conversation usually goes like this;

“Hey babe, I know we have us time tonight but…” and usually the reply is, “I’m tired too” followed by laughter. We just vibe like that.

Remember that sex in a relationship is important. No, it’s not everything, but it’s a big part. Knowing what your partner needs and likes is also important. People, don’t be afraid to, or feel ashamed if you schedule sex. How you get there is not important as long as you get there.

Now before I go, say it with me 📣:

Scheduling sex is okay.

Scheduling doesn’t = boring

Until next time…🦋

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Relationship Realities

What I’ve learned over the last 14 years, in no particular order.

“We were the episode of friends turned lovers.”

We battled with our identity as a same sex couple.

We lived unbalanced in the co-parenting space for quite sometime (and still do somedays) but we make it work.

We successfully defeated the battle of the EX and overcame the loss of friendships.

We held each other down through sickness.

Some days we questioned whether or not this thing would work but we realized that a relationship is a partnership that requires equal parts of give and take.

We navigated our way through unnecessary financial hardships learning that successfully managing finances takes teamwork.

We learned that if you can’t play, laugh and have fun like children, is it even worth it?

We learned that friendship before relationship builds a solid foundation.

We learned that sex is a vital part of a relationship. The necessity of intimacy and continued dating after commitment is important.

We learned that having social lives outside of the relationship is vital to its survival. You need a separate source for recharging so you don’t drain the relationship’s battery.

We learned that moments of disagreement aren’t fatal. In fact, it often leads to healthy communication skills when maturity is involved.

We learned that a relationship absent of trust is not a relationship.

We learned that allowing your significant other to put their cold feet on you to get warm is one of the highest acts of kindness.

We learned that love is the glue that holds it all together. That there is no such thing as a perfect relationship, just two people committed to making it work.

My Thoughts On Kevin Hart’s Documentary

Kevin Hart’s documentary, I want to start this off on a positive note. This man’s work ethic is superhuman. He makes you want to go harder and adopt a “by any means necessary” mentality! I also felt that way after reading his book which, by the way, was brilliant!
Now, the real reason for this blog. After watching the documentary I felt some kind of way when he discussed his infidelity.
“When did cheating became such a forgivable act?”
Cheating, the new acceptable norm. His wife Eniko said I’m about forgiveness. She says, I told him he gets three strikes and this is two. As I listened to this beautiful young woman speak through hurt and tears I hung my head in embarrassment and sadness for her because at one point in time I was that gullible, that silly. I saw the lack of her own personal self worth as she spoke about wanting her son to have the opportunity to grow up with his dad. I don’t speak from a space of what I would do IF it happened to me. I speak from a space of it DID happen to me. I too was that pregnant woman, that new mom who was a victim of infidelity. I know all to well the strong desire to stick it out for the kids, but on the flip side I know how staying can create an indescribable amount of anger, resentment, loss of self esteem and loss of actual self in that process.
Watching the documentary I noticed that there was a lack of accountability on Kevin’s part when it came to his cheating. I also noticed that no one in his camp held him accountable. From his friends, “we weren’t there to watch him, to tap him on the shoulder and say nigga what you doing?” Why on earth would a grown ass man need babysitters? Why would his behavior need to be monitored? What does this say? To me it says that this behavior is normal. The camera was placed in the room because that individual knew something was going to happen. Kevin Hart putting into a comedy routine what he tried to hide is NOT showing accountability, it’s a forced admission of guilt. He seemed more hurt and upset at the possibility of it being a long time friend exposing him, then he was publicly humiliating his pregnant wife! It truly makes my blood boil.
Hear me when I say, there is no amount of money, private jets, lavished vacations, long D or forced public apologies that would make me stay. Hell, I left broke.
I don’t think individuals think of how cheating impacts not only their spouse or significant others, but several others. In Kevin’s case, because of his celebrity status, his stupidity was shown around the world through channels that even his children had access to. I can remember seeing the tweets of people talking reckless about Eniko. Paparazzi all in her face asking about his infidelity, if she knew the girl, all while being super pregnant. Do people know how hard pregnancy can be without any drama? I can’t even imagine the level of sadness and humiliation this young woman had to endure.
I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, one does not accidentally cheat. Cheating is a choice. One chooses to dishonor their vows, spouse or significant other by stepping outside of the relationship. Also, cheating isn’t always physical but when it is, one doesn’t accidentally fall into some pussy the same way one doesn’t just slip and land on a dick. They CHOOSE to.
If you ever find yourself in a situation where you’re being cheated on and are unsure of what you should do, know that you don’t have to stay if you don’t want to. Know that, if you leave your children will be okay. Know that God won’t love you any less (because some folks will try to guilt you into staying with “the word”). Know that you’re worth more than someone CHOOSING to step out on the marriage or relationship.
Until next time…🦋