Today I Wrote My Two Week Notice

I finally did it y’all, I wrote my two week notice. No I haven’t found another job yet, but congratulate me anyway.

Me at work can be best described as Issa Rae’s character, on her YouTube series Awkward Black Girl. If you’ve ever seen the series, then you understand. If you haven’t, go watch it now! Thank me later.

(Photo Cred: Google)

For years I’ve wanted to see what else was out there, but paralyzed by fear and comfort I’ve stayed. Why do most people stay at jobs they don’t really care for? Two words, benefits and a paycheck. We rely on a paycheck as if there is no other way to obtain money. We work as if our job situations are rock solid. We also depend so heavily on something that’s not guaranteed and too often put our faith in the wrong thing.

I’ve applied for other jobs, but in the back of my mind lived doubt. The mind is a powerful manifesting tool. Yes, even your thoughts influence what’s manifested in your life.

Recently, I’ve become more intentional with my thoughts. I’ve written down exactly what I want in a job, from the salary to the scenery. Why? Because, write the vision and make it plain.

What I hear most often, “Girl, do you know where you work?” “You better not leave that job.” “People would trade places in a heartbeat.” Cool. Don’t let people push their fear of the unknown on you. Also, wanting more and wanting change does not = ungrateful.

Me writing my two week notice is another step toward my purpose. It’s part of my faith walk. I’ve decided to abandon comfort, release fear, and embrace growth.

Some things you just outgrow, even jobs.

(Photo Cred: Google)

Until next time…💛

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Stress

Decided to change the name of this blog from “Stress- A Silent Killer” to just “Stress”. Reason being, the affects of stress aren’t always silent, but if not dealt with, can kill you.

Stress: a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances. ~ dictionary.com

I inherited several traits from my mother. My ability to stress like a professional is one of them.

As humans, I don’t care how much you pray, meditate, burn sage, or keep clear quartz in your pockets, experiencing some kind of stress will occur. How you choose to deal with it, is another story.

I discovered very young that my coping mechanism for dealing with stress was nonexistent. As a young teen I coped by drinking and smoking copious amounts of weed, most often alone. Yes, I the Pastor’s daughter was a smoker.

I stressed about everything…

School

Boys

Girls

Not fitting in

Not being black enough

Being pretty

Being too smart

And that was a short list. I learned how to stress, but never how to properly deal.

My inability to properly manage the stress in my life continued into adulthood and began to manifest as physical illness. I began with anxiety. Then panic attacks. Chest pain. Depression. Boils. Stomach issues. Then, in December of 2012, Diabetes. All of these, a result of stress with a side of genetics.

How does stress manifest in your life?

How do you cope with stress when it shows up?

Do you internalize?

Do you binge eat?

Emotional spending?

Sex?

Drinking?

Now that I’m an adult and I’ve learned how to better manage, it still doesn’t make me exempt.

Moment of transparency.

I’m everyone’s go to. I make sure everyone is okay. I’m also a sounding board and my body doesn’t always respond well.

“Stress is often self inflicted” ~ Jaz Recognizing this is the first step.

For several years I’ve had issues with my stomach and because I now recognize, I know that this is how stress shows in in my body.

I’ve made several trips to the Emergency Room only to be told that it’s acid reflux or something they just can’t pinpoint. They pump you full of Tagamet and pain killers then send you on your way. Lately, my stomach issues and flair ups have been more frequent so my doctor suggested an Endoscopy. In addition to learning how to stress like a professional, I also learned how to mask it and wear it like an extravagant accessory.

A few weeks ago I went in for the procedure, where they took tissue samples to be tested for everything from Helicobacter pylori to cancer. Can’t lie, I was terrified. As a parent, what’s the first thing you think about when faced with a possible serious illness? Your children! Well let me put it this way, I do.

I left that appointment groggy and concerned. The doctor called me a few days later to go over everything. Now check this, all of the test were clear. Great news right? No H Pylori and no cancer, but there was a diagnosis. “Huh?” I thought. I was given a diagnosis NOT associated with a disease. Root cause? Stress. My stress was causing symptoms that mimicked a disease that did not exist. You ever had a moment of clarity that brought you back to reality? This was that moment for me. I said to myself, “Girl, get your life together!”

Fact: I am one of the biggest advocates of self care. Positivity. Prayer. Therapy. Meditation. But even with all of that, I am still triggered and still human.

How I’m Coping Today:

• Paying attention to, and recognizing my triggers

• Making modifications to my diet

• Finding outlets that require physical activity

• Saying no to things I don’t want to do

• Not answering my phone when I don’t feel like talking

• Walking away from arguments

That, is my short list. How do you deal with stress? Please share in the comments.

Until next time…💛

Tasty Thursday #8

This Week on Tasty Thursday…ooey gooey Copycat Cinnabon Cinnamon Rolls, because who doesn’t like cinnamon rolls?

In one of my blogs I talk about being a Type 2 diabetic. Here’s the link https://talkingallthatjaz.net/2018/03/20/f-you-diabetes/ Simply put, it sucks. Prior to becoming a diabetic I wasn’t a huge fan of sweets. As soon as they said I was a diabetic I craved every sweet thing I had ever had and never had.

I was gestational diabetic all 4 pregnancies, but sure enough, as soon as I had my kids, I was back to normal. My craving during my 4th pregnancy was Cinnabon. I knew before my test that I was gestational but I couldn’t resist! Those damn things were like crack and I was an addict! I still love them, but can no longer have them. And today, I still believe that there are little Cinnabon fairies holding box fans in front of air vents in every mall around the country, luring every one to their lines to get a taste of their ooey gooey cinnamon rolls. Four words “I REBUKE THEE SATAN!”

Since my sweet list is restricted to the smallest amounts of everything, I searched the internet for a delicious copycat recipe. This recipe in particular was sent to me by my youngest son who told me to make them. The first time I tried them, he made them (with real sugar) of course so all I had was a mere morsel, BUT, it was delicious!…so I did what I do best, modified the recipe to be diabetic friendly.

*Disclaimer: Splenda was used in the making of this recipe. (Yeah yeah I know, not the healthiest choice) but I did use Splenda Naturals, does that count? I mean it has to be healthy if it says natural…Also, no children or small animals were harmed in the cooking process*

Side note: I think I’ve mentioned Splenda at least 5 times in this blog. Sponsor an upcoming video on my vlog @splenda? Holla at your girl.

Back to the recipe. Here’s the YouTube link to the recipe I followed https://youtu.be/tbLQSTL0Vjs.

Watch, make, devour REPEAT.

My modifications to the recipe:

I used Splenda Naturals wherever the recipe used white sugar since it measures cup for cup.

I used the Splenda brown sugar blend where it called for brown sugar *the Splenda brown sugar does not measure cup for cup so read the back of the bag for proper measurements*

For the Icing:

Most icings require powdered sugar. I make “powdered sugar” using the Splenda Naturals and cornstarch. Here’s the link https://www.geniuskitchen.com/recipe/homemade-powdered-sugar-with-splenda-and-glazes-241843. I triple the amount of the recipe, then add room temperature milk until glaze like consistency.

One more time for your drooling pleasure 😋

Happy Baking and Until Next Time…💛

Three Easy Ways To Stay Motivated

Having a hard time staying motivated? I’m going to share three easy ways I stay motivated.

1. Affirmations

I use affirmations as gentle reminders of where to keep my focus! Losing focus is a motivation killer. I have my affirmations written on post it notes that I’ve hung on the wall. I try to read the aloud everyday. Even if I don’t read them aloud, I can see them.

Tip: Post them where you can see them. A wall. A mirror. In the car. You make the rules.

2. Plans not Problems

Problems don’t exist in my world. Yes, I have problems of course, but I choose to look at them in a different lights. I make plans for problems.

Budgeting? Create a plan and make that the focus. I love having a plan, checking things off a list. It makes me feel accomplished and motivates me to work on the next thing.

Parenting? Having a problem getting the kids to bed on time? Getting homework done? Getting them to do chores? (My real life y’all). Make a plan. We actually have a whiteboard where I write chores. Note to self: be more consistent.

Remember, plans not problems! Your results will be your motivation.

3. Podcasts

I listen to podcasts daily. I choose motivational and funny podcast. I listen to them while driving to work, while at work, and on the way home from work. It’s extremely motivating and a great way to start the day!

My favorites at the moment:

• The Potter’s Touch on Lightsource.com

• Ted Talks Daily

• Oprah’s Super Soul Conversations

• Jesus and Jollof

How do you stay motivated? Share some of your tips. I’d love to hear them!

Until next time…💛

YouTube Channel?

So, word on the street is people don’t read anymore. Is this true? For years I’ve contemplated starting a YouTube channel but I’ve always found a reason not to. Fear being the biggest reason.

Will people watch?

Will they find me interesting?

Am I too old?

I love YouTube. I actually watch several YouTubers. It’s what I call my guilty pleasure.

Well, I’ve overcome my fear and I’ve created a channel! Here is the direct link:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSYnij1EIkgwbNSmb-cgfDQ

Click the link and subscribe! First video will be posted Sunday October 7th! I’m starting off slow. I’ll be posting every Sunday for now. What about my blog you ask? Posting will continue every Tuesday and Thursday on talkingallthatjaz.net unless something happens like an unforeseen medical procedure, hence this blog going up after 9PM…oh, or a Beyonce concert!

Speaking of Beyonce, tune into my Vlog on October 7th where I’ll be sharing my very first Beyonce & Jay-Z concert experience. I’ll also be sharing how me and my son got lost after the concert.

Until next time…💛

Old Wives Tales

Who grew up with superstitious parents? Family members?

Growing up with parents from the south, one from Louisiana and the other from Texas, my parents always had some crazy old wives tales and stories they swore were true! I’m going to share a few I heard growing up! Some from my parents, and some from other people!

Here we go…

1. If you cross your eyes they will get stuck? (I’m not cockeyed yet 👀)

2. Sweeping over someone’s feet will bring them bad luck. (And who knows what to do if it happens? Leave your answer in the comments if you know)

3. Lying an umbrella on the bed is bad luck. (My mama would go crazy!)

4. Raising your hands above your head while pregnant will cause the cord to wrap around the baby’s neck.

5. No fishing on Sunday because you might catch the devil. (To this day, I have never fished on a Sunday! I’m not taking any chances lol)

6. Those little bumps you get on your gums are caused by lying. (As told by my father. He would put salt on them)

7. Eating beans, greens, and cornbread will make you thick. (this one might be true! Just sayin’. Your girl kinda thick out here in these streets! 🤷🏽‍♀️😂)

8. If a group of people hold hands, and the first person sticks scissors in an electrical socket, only the last person will get shocked. (No lie, my daddy told me this when I was young! Who does that? No, I never tried it, hence me being here to tell this story. I almost did though!)

9. Drinking castor oil while pregnant will send you into labor. (Can’t confirm this one. I wasn’t about that life!)

10. You can’t get pregnant while nursing.(Lies lies and more lies)

11. Labor pains feel like cramps (bish where. I legit thought I was dying all four times)

12. Don’t let babies look in mirrors because it will make it hard for them to cut teeth.

13. If someone dies in the house, you must cover the mirrors or caskets will appear. (Umm I didn’t know what it meant but when my granny died in the house,we covered the mirrors, no questions asked)

14. Tickling a baby will make them stutter.

15. You treat burns with butter. (Yes, I know for a fact this is not the proper way to treat a burn. I can’t tell you how many times my granny burned me pressing my hair and slapped butter on it! Umm it was cooking, not cooling!)

16. Black people don’t get sunburned. (Pride, 2009 or 2010, it was unusually hot in San Francisco. I wore a sleeveless dress and sandals…no sunscreen. The next day, I was blistered like a burn victim! My entire forehead peeled smooth off)

17. Hiccups mean you’re growing. (There is no truth here! Fact: I’ve been the same height since 4th grade 🤦🏾‍♀️)

What are some of the old wives tales you heard growing up? I know I’m not the only one! Share in the comments.

Until next time…💛

Tasty Thursday #7

This week I’m making Jaz’s almost homemade baked Mac-n-Cheese

Mac-n-Cheese is a dish that requires the question, “who made it?” It’s like the potato salad at the cookout. Depending on what kind of household you grew up in, mac-n-cheese was either a main course or a side dish. In my house, it was always a side dish. Everybody has a recipe and if you’re fortunate, you have that one family member that cooks like the ancestors. The one that makes the good macaroni. I’m that aunty 🙋🏽‍♀️.

Whenever the kids see that I’m making macaroni, there’s always the same question, “is it the black kind?” Now, they aren’t racist, just rich in soul food culture. By Black they mean baked in the stove full of delicious goodness. I laugh every time they ask because there are days where I’m super tired and will make it on top of the stove, right out the box.

This macaroni is baked in the oven at 350 degrees (the universal black temperature) until gooey in the center and crispy on the top.

“Girl, what you bake that cake on?”

“350 degrees”

Girl, what you bake that roast on?”

“350 degrees ”

“Girl, what you bake that dressing on?” “350 degrees ”

If I ever forget to include the temperature in one of my recipes, always assume….say it with me, 🗣 350 degrees!

Here’s what you’ll need:

(Not pictured, half n half and salt)

Ingredients

1 Box of Kraft Deluxe (Keep the cheese pack included, you’re gonna use it)

1 1/2 cups of whole milk

1/2 cup of heavy half n half

2 eggs

5 cups of shredded cheese

1 tsp onion powder

1/2 tsp garlic powder

1/4 tsp salt

1/2 tsp black pepper

1/4 tsp sugar (yes sugar)

1/4 paprika

Directions

Preheat oven to 350 degrees

Cook macaroni as directed on the box.

While the macaroni is cooking…In a large bowl combine the milk, half n half, eggs, 4 cups of cheese, liquid cheese pack from the box of macaroni (a.k.a liquid gold), onion powder, garlic powder, salt, black pepper, sugar, paprika, and eggs. Mix everything with a fork, this will beat the eggs into the mixture. Sit aside.

After macaroni is done and completely cooled (this is super important! You don’t want scrambled eggs in your macaroni), add it to the liquid mixture, mix with a spoon, then poor into buttered pan. I use a 9×9 sized pan. Top with remaining 1 cup of cheese. Optional: sprinkle with black pepper and paprika.

Put into stove and cook for about 30-40 minutes give or take. Watch it, you don’t want it to burn. We like the top a bit crispy so we let it go a little longer.

Viola! Final product! It may not be pretty but it’s delicious! Enjoy!

Tattoo Regret

Women do silly things all in the name of love. But before we go there, let me begin with my first tattoo experience.

I have two tattoos. Not bad right? I got my first tattoo the minute I turned 18. I may have been almost 18 but close enough. I had been thinking about what I wanted. I was a huge Looney Tunes fan, Tweety Bird specifically. I thought, perfect! I’m small and cute with a big head, I’ll get that! In the city I grew up in, there was a local tattoo artist that used to tattoo everyone. His name was Rangoon Ricky (I think. Close if that isn’t right).Older guy, and kind of weird.

If you’re a regular reader of my blogs then you know how religious my family is, so y’all already know I was on a sneak sneak hush hush mission to get my first tattoo. I walked in nervous as hell. Showed him what I wanted, he drew it up, and we began. I took it like a G! I it didn’t hurt and I was super excited! I now had Tweety, in full color tattooed on my ankle!

Here is where it went left, I went home with my ankle wrapped up. Walked in the door and she was waiting, my mama! She had this weird look on her face. She said, “hey Jazmine, where were you?” I replied with some lie because why would I tell Jesus a.k.a my mama where I had been? She asked me again and I knew something was up! I lied again. She hit me with, “you know I hate a liar and God does too” (insert deer in headlight eyes here). Y’all I was nervous and sweating. Well, my then best friends’s mom had driven by the tattoo parlor and saw my car. What did she do? Called my damn mama! I got a speech and scriptures to read. Adding insult to injury, about a week after getting my tattoo, I learned that I was allergic to ink and it became infected. My mama said it was God 😂.

Fast forward several years later. I was married and had four children. My marriage was in trouble but I was still in love. To show my loyalty what did I do? Y’all know…I got his name tattooed! 🤦🏾‍♀️ Not just his first name y’all, I got Mrs. xxx and the last name to boot! Now I used to be quick to talk about a female that would tattoo a dudes name on her body, but I was married! Well that was my justification. I couldn’t even say that I was young and dumb because I was a full grown adult! Y’all remember I said I was allergic to ink right? Well I was told I was allergic to the colored ink and to try black. Well I did just that and guess what? For the first few weeks, it was cool. I thought I had found the trick. About week three, it was swollen and nasty. It eventually healed but not long after, I was filing for divorce! There’s a bigger lesson here, but I’ll save that for another blog.

Here I was divorced and tattooed with with a mans name that I was 1)no longer with and 2)no longer liked! I entered another relationship with the tattoo. It took a while to disclose my secret, but it was “lovingly” referred to as the mark of the beast 😂. I don’t regret much, but this was definitely a regret and a painful lesson, literally. Y’all are probably wondering if I still have the tattoo? Unfortunately, yes. Wanted it covered, but you know that small ink allergy, so it will have to be removed by laser. Think twice before permanently inking your body with something you’ll regret later!

Until next time…💛

An Open Letter to My Younger Self

Dear Young Jaz,

I am writing to you from the future, 2018 to be exact. Sounds crazy right? I’m you and you’re me.

Let me first begin by saying that you are beautiful. I don’t think you heard that enough. Time has flown? We’ll be 40 next year! Big deal right, because I know you didn’t believe you’d make it. I know the thought of ending your life was very real and appeared to be the only way out, but you were wrong!

I don’t know where to start.

Intelligence…You are such a smart little girl! Always have been. I want to let you know that your intelligence is a gift and not a curse. You say you want to be an Anesthesiologist? At six, how do you even know that?!? I want to tell you that you can do it! You can be anything you want to be. Being smart is and will always be your superpower. Ignore those who doubt you. Don’t allow their constant teasing and hurtful words to distract you. Keep pushing because the possibilities are endless.

Your body…Always remember that your body is your temple. Let me explain to you what that means. Your body is a gift from God. It’s precious and once it’s given away you can never get it back. You don’t want a reputation that follows you through adulthood. Sleeping with boys will not make them like you. Sleeping with boys will not make you like you. Sex is and can be a beautiful thing. Do you even know what sex is? It’s a beautiful act when shared between two consenting adults, you’re not an adult. There’s a level of mental preparedness you need in order to deal with the emotional aspect of sex, and you don’t have that yet. Wait for it. It will be worth it.

Be you…Being a nerd is okay. You don’t have to fit in. Fitting in is boring. Create your own way. Embrace your quirky sense of style because one day people will appreciate it. You can trust me on that one. Being YOU will attract the people you need around.

Fear…Guess what? Fear isn’t real. I know, blew my mind too! It’s going to take you decades to learn this lesson but, don’t be afraid. Afraid to try new things, meet new people, go on adventures.

Sexual orientation…yeah, I know. You think that little girl is cuter than that little boy. No, nothing is wrong with you. Yep, God still loves you. You don’t have to hide. I know what you’re feeling makes no sense and there’s no one to confide in, but know, it will all make sense one day.

Mistakes…you’re going to make lots of them and that’s okay, but always remember to learn the lesson. A mistake is made only once, anything beyond that, is a choice.

Your heart…sorry to break it to you, but it’s going to be broken, by family and by those you thought were friends. The amazing part of it though, is that it will heal! What I’d like to tell you is, you can still trust even after a broken heart.

Lastly, go easy on your self little girl. While perfection is the goal, it isn’t always the destination. One day you’re going to grow up and share your story. One day every mistake made will make sense. Your story is your gift. You will do great things! Today I want to give you permission to live and be free. Free from the idea that you aren’t enough. Free from the idea that you have to live a life to please everyone other than yourself. I love you, forever and always!