Today in Bathroom Chronicles 🚽

It’s period time! Oh what joy. The feeling of cramps and looking like I’m 3 months pregnant. Went to the bathroom with my pad discreetly tucked in my bra. I walk in the bathroom and it looks like I’m alone so I was trying to move fast. Why? Loud ass pad wrappers, plus, it’s a long bloody process, pun intended.

I hate public toilets so I stand, don’t judge me. I hurry and begin to remove my used pad. I hear the door, they enter and choose the stall right next to me! Side note: why couldn’t she use the stall at the end? It’s like that one weirdo that pulls right next to you when you’re parked at the water, or the park and out of the 337 empty spaces, they choose the one next to you! I’m back 😂. Disclaimer: anybody who feels like period related topics are tmi, this is not the blog for you. I recently switched from Stayfree to Always. Let me just say, the adhesive on Always pads I swear is made by the inventors of gorilla glue. I’m fighting trying to get the pad off and you won’t guess what happened next…in my struggle, my used pad hit the floor, right side up! It took a minute to register what had happened before I snatched it up hoping the person in the stall next to me was too consumed with their own pee to see what happened. Pulling it from the floor sounded like separating Velcro! It may be a bit of a stretch, but in my mind it could be heard in Wakanda! 🙅🏽‍♀️ (Shout out to Black Panther)

She didn’t make a noise but I stayed in that stall until I heard the door shut. Now I feel caught. If she saw it, I know she was thinking, that nasty heffa! Now I’m in the stall asking myself questions because I’m super extra! Did she see it? Did I get it fast enough? I waited and waited planning my escape. I hurried out, washed my hands, then hurried back to my desk.

Lucky for me, I always carry 2 pair of shoes. I call the second pair my just in case I have to boo boo at work shoes because we all know the first thing we check out when someone is blowing it up…their shoes to 1) see who smells so bad. 2)to see if they wash their hands so you know whose food NOT to eat at the next potluck. I’m traumatized. Today’s lesson, next time I’m sitting my ass down down.

Until next time…❤️

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Your Vision is Your Vision

Have you even had an idea or a vision that you sat on? That you failed to move forward with out of fear? And later you saw someone else execute the very same idea and you gave up? You felt robbed of what you thought was your idea? I want you to know that your vision is your vision.

Before you were born you had a purpose. In the lab of creation your life’s story was written and planned. That doesn’t mean you don’t have to put in the work. I must admit, I’ve fallen victim to the “someone stole my idea so now what am I going to do?” “Now I’m back at square one.” Not so! Yes, someone may have done the same thing before you, but no one can do it like you. I don’t care if 20 other people execute the same idea, it doesn’t change your purpose.

Best analogy I can come up with. No one can give birth to a baby you’re carrying. Once that seed is planted in your womb, it belongs to you. It doesn’t matter who else becomes pregnant, who is pregnant, your seed is your seed. It is impossible for anyone but you to birth it!

That applies to your vision and your idea. If you have an idea that you’ve been thinking about, that doesn’t leave your mind, that’s it! I don’t care who has already done it or how silly you may think it it is. J.K Rowling, author of the Harry Potter books had an idea on a train. She was a 25 year old struggling single mom with just an idea. She was rejected 12 times before someone decided to take a chance on her. It didn’t matter how many other wizardry books were written because Harry Potter was her seed. She went on to become the first billionaire author.

Your idea, write it down. Write down what it would look like if there were no obstacles or no fear. Tape it to your wall, put it on your computer, hang it in your cubicle, put it on the fridge. Don’t give up on it. Remember it’s yours. Remember it was apart of your blueprint. Today is the day to begin right where you are!

Until next time…❤️

Realistic Parenting

I’ve been labeled the friend parent, the way too lenient parent, the overly laxed parent, and at times, the bad parent. My oldest child is 18 and my youngest is 12. No one could have prepared me for the challenges that came with parenting.

I am definitely more of a new age parent. I’m not into whoopings, never have been. I didn’t see the point. Growing up I always heard, “if you don’t whoop them, the streets will.” I didn’t want that to be our truth so I chose different. I was apart of the whoop that ass generation. I was hit in the mouth for talking smart (often 😂), and I was beat with a belt. Who knows what came with the whoopings? “I whoop you because I love you.” Umm you do? Well I definitely don’t feel it.

I try to parent from a place of compassion and understanding. Don’t get it twisted, I’m not naive nor stupid but I believe that what you focus on will persist. I see so many parents that are ego driven. Newsflash people: Kids aren’t perfect, I repeat, kids aren’t perfect! Newsflash #2, parents aren’t perfect, I repeat, parents aren’t perfect. Number one reason why I don’t understand why parents don’t understand when children mess up or make mistakes.

Your children may do things that are hard to believe. It will make you question everything you thought you knew. I’ve experienced it 😩. One thing I’ve learned. Sometimes the consequences of a bad decision don’t even require your discipline! Why? Because the experience is enough.

There are days that my children don’t listen. They test my last nerve. They fuss and they fight and I expect it because that’s realistic. They have attitudes, they cry, and they act like brats. They are at times lazy, more often than not. But there is a flip side! They’re loving and generous. They’re forgiving. They see their faults, it may be days later, but they see them. They know the importance of thank you and I’m sorry. They are amazing students. They protect each other. Those are the things I choose to focus on.

In moments when they mess up, I give them and myself time to step back and evaluate the situation. I’ve found that going in immediately often leads to angry reactions and words that can’t be taken back. Parenting is child specific. Each child requires a different level of parenting, personal experience.

This blog is for me. Lately I’ve been questioning how good of a parent I actually am. I needed to put my feelings into words to validate that I’m doing a good job. I needed to remind myself that I’m not perfect and neither are they. We’re still learning and some days are going to be harder than others. Today parents, I want to let you know you’re doing a great job and I salute you!

Until next time…❤️

Unapologetically ME

Hairy pits and sagging tits

Big legs and child bearing hips

Bare face and dark eyes

Natural ass and stretch marked thighs

Full lips and nappy roots

All organic not surgery produced

Sharp tongue and quick wit

Fool proof bullshit resistant

Life giver soul healer

Spiritual gangsta love lifter

Light chaser sun bather

Freedom fighter

Born writer

Authentic deliberately

Unapologetically ME

Until next time…❤️

Today In Bathroom Chronicles…Shit happens 💩

So I’m at work minding my business. I walk into the bathroom and I take the only open stall. At first sniff, everything seems fine. I pull down my pants and I squat. Mid squat I hear what sounds like someone pouring an unwanted bowl of cereal in the toilet of the stall next to me. I froze for a minute because I wasn’t quite sure of what I heard, until…

Have you ever saw a cartoon where there’s something stinky and those green fumes find their way to the victim’s nose? It happened just like that! It hit me like a freight train and I wasn’t ready! My mouth was open! Now this wasn’t your normal earthy waste smelling shit, this was sick shit. Y’all know exactly what I’m talking about. Sick shit takes on a unique smell of its own, very reminiscent of raw sewage. I felt like I swallowed it 🤢.

I just kept blowing and blowing and I felt bad because at one point I gagged. It didn’t help that prior to going to the bathroom I had guzzled over 20 ounces of Powerade and 16 ounces of water. I peed and peed and peed some more. I know for a fact I didn’t wipe good! I figured, I can just shower when I get home.

Here is where things got awkward. We exited our stalls at the same time. There was an awkward silence until I spoke and asked how she was doing. Well by the smell I already knew! She was definitely sick! I wanted to tell her that she almost killed me but she talked about the weather. Funny, I couldn’t look her in the eyes. I felt like I might have turned to stone 😂. I hurried out and went back to my desk. I guess 💩 happens, but I sure wish it would happen at home!

Until next time…❤️

Periods, Pads, Tampons Oh My

Menstruation – the process in a woman of discharging blood and other materials from the lining of the uterus at intervals of about one lunar month from puberty until menopause, except during pregnancy. ~ dictionary.com

You mean to tell me that I get to bleed once a month for the next 40 years or so? The year was 1988, the year ain’t flow made her first appearance, I was nine. Please take that in. I was still playing with My Little Ponies. I was home with my dad and my sister. I went to the bathroom to pee and when I wiped I saw blood. I had to wipe again to be sure. I just knew I was dying.

I called my mom at work and she told me to talk to my sister who nonchalantly threw me a pad. Problem was, I had no clue what was wrong with me. I had never heard of a period. I stayed in that bathroom for what seemed like hours. My mama finally came home and explained to me what had happened to me. She told me that I was a woman. How sway? Then she told me about Eve and the curse. I was pissed at Eve and cursed her curse. Eve had me messed up.

Why blood? Why not fairy dust, or something a little less messy. I can remember pads in 1988 and they were huge! I remember two major brands, Always and Kotex. They used to play these really cute commercials of teen girls buying pads. They made you want a period. It will be magical they said. You will skip around school with a smile you said. They lied!

Fourth grade end of year swimming trip to the infamous Cunningham pool, but guess who couldn’t swim? 🙋🏽‍♀️ I sat in the bleachers with a pillow top mattress in my backpack hot and mad as hell. I’m convinced it was the hottest day of the year. While all of the kids were happy and swimming, I was bleeding.

Why is there shame or embarrassment associated with periods. Tucking pads and tampons into bras. Carefully crumbling wrappers so the person in the stall next to you doesn’t hear. Gently closing the lid of the little garbage that often smells like spoiled seafood. Periods and bleeding are 100% natural.

Cramps, ha! What they don’t tell you. Cramps so bad your legs, vagina, and back hurts. Cramps that feel like vice grips are crushing your ovaries. Cramps that mimic the movement of a jackhammer inside of your abdomen. And who knows what happens when you sit for a long period of time then get up? Gush, gush, gush, now it’s down the back and up the front.

Every month I’m convinced I have a serious illness. Dizziness, fatigue, hot/cold spells, crying at the smallest thing, and my hypochondria kicks in to overdrive and I consult Dr. Google. Dr. Google will have you thinking you are on your way to the upper room! It’s said that a woman loses less than one cup of blood each period. I’m not convinced when half the time you’re passing clots the size of bing cherries, graphic I know.

Periods, some might call it a rite of passage or a welcome to womanhood. I call her Carrie. Pads or tampons, diva cup or luna pads. Your period your choice.

Financial Ignorance

Desire was wealth but state of mind was broke. I didn’t know what wealth, savings, or healthy spending looked like. My comfort zone was just getting by. I wasn’t satisfied until I was all spent out and praying for my next pay day. Overdrawn accounts, payday loans (the devil), and irresponsible spending. Finances and good credit, a topic rarely discussed growing up for me and for most. Parents want to make sure you’re equipped with what you need for adulthood but forget one key component, financial intelligence. 401k, IRA, investments, budgeting, credit score. Imagine if this was a class taught in schools around the country, especially inner cities.

Parents will spend $200 on a pair of Jordan’s but won’t spend $12 on a book about money management, or take $100 to open an account and teach them how to earn, manage their own money, and buy their own shoes.

How much do you know about credit? Do you know what a healthy credit score looks like? I didn’t for a very long time. I divorced with over $60K of debt. Why? Because of financial ignorance. A credit score of 700 and above is considered good. I didn’t know how to manage my money. Even 13 years later it’s still a struggle. The “come from nothing” mentality can be hard to break. You feel like I never have nothing so once you get something (taxes, bonuses, etc…), you end up right back in the broke boat weeks later.

Managing your money. I’ve always been an emotional spender. Get mad, spend. Sad, spend. Over life, spend. Yes folks, even spending money I don’t have. What did it get me? Bad credit and overdrawn accounts. Overdraft fees will have you messed all the way up! $34 for every charge that doesn’t go through. I want y’all to think about that. Account balance $5.77, charge $6.98 plus $34 because you failed to manage properly. Dipping into my savings to cover what I messed up. Borrowing money from family members. Robbing Peter to pay Paul. Buying scratchers hoping for 20xs what I spent! (Real life y’all) You get the point.

Did you know that once a year you can get a free copy of your credit report from all three major credit bureaus? From where you ask? annualcreditreport.com It’s important to check your credit regularly. Checking my credit report regularly, I discovered several things that weren’t mine. I was able to contact them and have those things removed. Another thing that majorly affects your credit score, late payments! Call these creditors if you know you’re going to miss your due date. Arrange for a later time. So many creditors have to option to extend the due date without penalties. Lawd, credit is nice, but should be used for emergencies, or to establish credit. If you can’t pay cash, you can’t afford it, truth serum.

Budgeting…create one. I don’t care if you make minimum wage, create a budget. Compare your input vs your output, if it’s off, start trimming. Write things down, review bank statements. If the majority of your money is spent on eating out (guilty), buy groceries. Make lunches and meal prep, thank me later. On average, one can spend up to $20 per day on eating out. Multiply that times 5 (days in the week), then times 4 (weeks in the month), then times 12 (months in the year). Even the dollar menu adds up!

This isn’t for those who have mastered their finances. This is for real folks like me who struggle to change the narrative.

A few sites I love that may be useful to you:

• thebudgetnista.com

• mint.com

• retailmenot.com (if you’re going to spend, save a coin or two)

Until next time…❤️

Today in Bathroom Chronicles…toilet water touched my lip! 🤢

Today in bathroom chronicles…went to use the bathroom today (#1 Incase you were wondering). Sensored toilet so it flushed once but some tissue came back up. So I had to bend down to manually flush. Y’all not gonna believe what happened next. Water from the toilet jumped on my lip!

Anyone who knows me knows I’m a germaphobe. I cussed in that stall like I had been violated. I didn’t know what to do! It was like everything moved in slow motion. Picture it, toilet flushes violently, water hits my lip like a punch from Money Mayweather and almost takes me out. I spit, cussed, and spit again. I was so upset. I washed my lip with hand soap water and more soap. I got to my desk and rubbed sanitizer on it! I rubbed my lip raw.

All I kept thinking was, someone’s shit was in this toilet today and now it’s on my lip. If I get a bump, I’m gonna be pissed. Now who wants a kiss?

Until next time…❤️

Straight Hair Makes Me Feel Less Black

I went natural, chemical free, about eight years ago. I did it for many reasons. At the time I felt straight hair was boring, my scalp was having issues from the chemicals, and I was ready for something different. Before going natural I was still permed and had a really cute pixie cut, but anyone who has had short hair knows that it takes maintenance. Weekly visits to the shop which can be expensive!

Perusing the internet for braid styles, I came across a natural hair blogger/vlogger by the name of Glamazini. Her hair was gorgeous. Long, thick, and her styling was amazing. I thought, I could do this. She made it look easy. I had decided, natural hair it was. I didn’t big chop, I transitioned. I was new to this, not true to this so I opted for what I felt was the easier route. It was interesting, coily strands and straight strands and I wasn’t very good at styling yet.

I can remember coming across a picture from Valentines Day, and I was newly natural. It was one of my first attempts at a bantu knot twist out. I looked like Tracy damn Chapman! Now don’t blast me, I love her look but 1) I didn’t have dreads (but you couldn’t tell), and 2) That was NOT the look I was going for. If I find the picture I’ll add it later. I was out here in these streets looking a mess and you couldn’t tell me nothin’.

Here is what they don’t tell you about natural hair, it is work! People think, cool, I don’t have to go to the salon. I can maintain my hair at home, save a few coins. Lies, lies, and more lies I tell you. You spend hundreds and hundreds of dollars trying to find products that work for your hair. Big chop or transition. Co-wash or shampoo. Hours and hours of detangling. Little demon knots at the ends of single hair strands. Deep conditioning. Twist out vs braid out. Shrinkage. The absolute most.

I thought about going back to the creamy crack several times but I loved the way my natural hair made me feel, even with all of the work. I believe, in the black community when I was growing up, there was no “love your natural hair” movement. Curly/mixed hair meant good hair, and coily 4c type hair meant nappy and bad.

I remember being a small child getting my hair pressed. Burns to the neck and ear with butter as the burn ointment. I even had a doggone jheri curl before the age of seven. I get it, trends, but what if…My natural hair got lots of different reactions, some positive, some negative, but I was committed.

Now I don’t know if I was experiencing an early mid-life crisis, but I had been looking at pics online of natural short haircuts. This was pre that nifty little sponge that curls the hair. Disclaimer, my hair type is 4c and if 5c existed, it would be that. These pics online were cute. I wasn’t considering hair types when I decided to cut mine off. Ya’ll, he handed me that damn mirror and I was excited and befuddled at the same time. Excited because I did it, and befuddled because it looked nothing like the google images.

I went home super excited to show my family. I walked through the door, my girl was sitting on the couch and my daughter was standing. I yelled, surprise guys. They looked and they just stared. That quickly turned into uncontrollable laughter. I’m laughing as I type this. My girl said I looked like Florida Evans from Good Times.

My hair texture when cut was like pubic hair. Not the soft kind, the taco meat kind. Yes folks, all textures are beautiful but this was ridiculous. I never got it touched up or cut again, but I rocked it until it grew back. At times I get tired because like I said, it’s work. I’ve straightened it a couple of times and every time I do, I feel a little less black, less authentic. ME people, how it makes ME feel. My natural hair has become a spiritual experience for me. It’s helped me with my self-esteem and embrace the natural ME.

Now whether you rock a fro, a twist out, a press, a perm, a weave, braids, or a fade you’re still beautiful!

Locs soon come…

Until next time…♥