When I had I very first child I knew I was going to discipline different. I’ve never been a violent person so I knew whooping them was not something I was interested in.
Before becoming a parent I knew how I wanted to discipline my future children. I knew I wanted to talk to them, assist and guide. I wanted to respect their opinions. I wanted to teach them in moments of challenging behavior. Notice how I said challenging and not bad? I don’t believe that there’s such a thing as a bad child, never have, and never will.
My first born, my daughter, she made parenting easy. She was sweet, loving, and funny. She was also opinionated, talkative, honest, outspoken and at times sassy. She loved to challenge, In ways some limited thinking parents would consider disrespectful. I listened to her, and in moments I saw her becoming frustrated, I taught her how to effectively communicate. My daughter is 1 of 4. Each of my children required a different level of discipline. None of which included physical reprimand.
When it comes to correcting behavior, there are several ways to do that without whooping and spanking. Growing up I always heard, “spare the rod, spoil the child”. I didn’t understand what it meant when I was a young but as I got older, it became abundantly clear. Here is how it’s defined on the internet: spare the rod and spoil the child. old-fashioned saying. said to mean that if you do not punish a child when they do something wrong, they will not learn what is right.
In the Black/Christian community this meant whoop that tail.
As a parent, I didn’t feel like my children did anything that warranted whoopings. In fact, they were more affected by my disappointment. Now, were they perfect? No. Were they children? Yes
Who remembers hearing, I whoop you because I love you? But how? I never understood how whooping me was a sign of love.
I can remember very clearly one whooping in particular. My sister was in high school and had a boyfriend. We had recently moved from one city to another. Well she went to prom with her boyfriend and she also went with a boy from her old high school. One day her boyfriend came by and I told him that she went to prom with the another boy. I didn’t just voluntarily blurt it out, but it somehow came up in a conversation. I was about 8. My mama beat my ass! To this day I’m still mad about that whooping. I was angry because I was whooped for telling the truth! I never understood why.
Growing up I got whooped for several things. 99.999 % of them were for insignificant things. Doing things that kids do. With children, it will happen! Teaching in those moments will be more effective than whooping.
“Whooping children is lazy parenting” ~ Jaz
Let me tell you what whoopings did for me. They made me feel less than, unloved and disliked. They also made me resentful. They made me sad. Getting whooped didn’t teach me not to do something. What it taught me how NOT to get caught. It taught me to be sneaky. Whoopings made me a liar. All of these things were factors in my decision to not whoop or spank my own children. Some may say, some kids need to be whooped. My opinion, some parents need to be taught different methods of discipline because you’re the teacher; their first example of right and wrong.
If you’re a parent, what are your thoughts on whoopings/spankings?
Until next time…🦋