Wrote this the other day and posted it on social media;
It made me reflect on my own parenting experiences, both how I was parented, and how I parent my own children. I knew even before I became a mom that I wanted to try my best to be a conscious, loving, supportive and present parent. When I became a mom at 20, I did just that.
I make no apologies for how I choose to love, support and parent my children. ~ Jaz
We don’t bring children into this wold to control them. They aren’t ours to control! Our job is to guide them and allow them to experience life. Always remember that your experiences will not be their experiences, the same way your parents’ experiences weren’t yours. The world today is not the world of yesteryear and it requires a different level of parenting and understanding.
Too often parents parent with fear as the foundation. Fear of the child/children failing. Fear of them falling into the ruts you did. Fear of wanting them to do more, and want more out of life than you wanted. How many of you have heard, “I want you to be better than me! I don’t want you to struggle like I struggled.” That voice of negativity is creating everything you don’t want.
Do your children know that you love and support them? Love is an action the same way support is. The words we speak into our children’s lives can do two things, help them grow or destroy them.
Love and support is not just monetary. Whew, one more time for the people in the back, love and support is not just monetary! While it’s a form of support, it doesn’t stop there. I find this fom of love and support most often in cases of split parents, usually from the non custodial party. I’m going to guarantee you that a child would much rather a day spent at the park with you over a pair of Jordans.
What does love and support look like?
- Showing interest in their lives
- Showing up at a game
- Playing a board game when they ask
- Hearing out their dreams even if it doesn’t match the dream you had for them
- A daily I Love You
- Being available
- Uninterrupted 1:1 time
- Creating a safe space for them to speak their minds without judgement
- Honoring their individuality (no comparisons because no two children are alike)
I could go on, but this list is pretty substantial! Let me share a story with you. One day one of my sons was on the phone with his friends when he came in from school and per my routine I asked him how his day was. His friend said, “wow, your mom asks how your day was? I wish my mom would ask me how my day was.”
My heart sank. Asking how your child’s day was is simple, and could make the difference in a good or bad day, a good decision or bad decision.
Again I’ll ask, does your child feel love and supported by you? If you don’t know, or you want to know, ask! Also ask what that looks like for them and if they don’t feel love and supported don’t become defensive. Ask them why and what you can do to change that. I may have to do a part two on this one! Let me know your thoughts in the comments.
Until next time…🦋