No one enters a relationship/marriage with the thought of it ending. Not every relationship ends on good terms, I don’t care if the divorce papers read amicable split. More often than not, one if not both parties involved are bitter to a certain degree. Fact: a bitter ex often becomes the bitter coparent. Bitter about why the relationship ended. Bitter about how you behaved in the relationship. Bitter about anything they can be bitter about.
When the relationship does end, and children are involved, the rules change. You now enter the world of co-parenting. What is co-parenting? As defined by dictionary.com: “a divorced or separated parent who shares equally with the other parent in the custody and care of the child.”
Co-Parenting is NOT a game, nor is it a competition.
Things NOT to do when co-parenting:
• Never discuss your perceived inadequacies of the other parent in front of the children
• Don’t allow your broken relationship with each other to dictate the way you parent. The problems of your broken relationship becomes null and void the day the relationship ends
• Don’t make the child a pawn or scapegoat
• Respect the other parent
• Don’t expect the child to be the parent. It is not the responsibility of the child to check on you, call you, or make sure you’re okay.
• Don’t use the child as a liaison/messenger to talk to one another
• Don’t question/interrogate the child about what goes on in each other’s home
• Do not encourage the child to disrespect or not listen to the other parent, or their new partner/spouse
• Don’t let your anger for the other parent make you miss out on the first 18 years
• Do not punish the child out of unresolved broken relationship anger
• Don’t equate the child to a $ sign. The child is more than a child support check and tax exemption
• Don’t forget that the children are the focal point, not your disgust for one another
It is very possible for separated/divorced parents to peacefully coexist in the world of coparenting, but it takes work.
Until next time…💖