“A good friend is like a four-leaf clover; hard to find and lucky to have.” – Unknown
Would you agree?
In the famous words of Whodini…
“Friends – how many of us have them?
Friends – ones we can depend on
Friends – how many of us have them
Friends – before we go any further, let’s be friends”
Let me tell you a little story. Picture it, 1986, San Francisco California, dad loses his job, family relocates to a small city several miles from San Fran. New School no friends.
I was that weird quirky kid. Super duper smart, very timid, shy, and hesitant to make friends because of being bullied.
I met a little girl and we became instant friends. She was super sweet, and nice to me. We hung out all the time and remained friends all through junior high and high school. Two more joined our crew along the way. The fabric of our friendship held me together through some of what I thought were very tough times.
In 1997 I witnessed the birth of my best friend’s first child. It was amazing. Sometime after that something happened and our friendship began to dissolve. For the life of me I didn’t understand why. The lost of my then best friend broke me. I was hurt. I was angry, for years.
And then there were two. Friend #2 had children and began a life of her own. Friend #3 eventually became my sister in law drastically changing the dynamic of our friendship.
Fact, some people you just outgrow.
Relationships also play a huge role in establishing and maintaining friendships. When you enter into a relationship, it’s new, and fresh, you’re in love, and all you see is each other. You want to spend every waking moment with each other and sometimes you neglect friendships or you go into what I like to call new relationship hibernation. That was the case for me. I had convinced myself that I didn’t need friends nor did I have time for friends. Those very words turned into my reality.
What I’ve learned about the importance of friendships. You attract your village. I noticed that the village I was attracting was broken. I couldn’t for the life of me understand what I was doing wrong. I felt like Iyanla but I wasn’t looking to fix no lives. After some soul searching I realized that I was attracting what I was, broken. Instead of fixing me, I again convinced myself that I didn’t need friends. Ha, projection is something serious. I told myself that my kids and my relationship were enough.
Today, I am able to be a friend. Growing up I always heard, “in order to gain a friend, you must first show your self friendly.” As a friend, I’m loyal. I pride myself in being the friend that listens, gives advice, and keeps secrets if need be. I’m honest and supportive. When you win, I celebrate like I won. These are the qualities that I look for in a friend. I’m no longer telling myself that I don’t need friends. That I’m cool with my kids and with my relationship, because today that is not my truth. I now realize that it is not only healthy to have friendships, but it’s necessary.
I am now looking for authentic friendships and connections with like minded individuals who support growth and empowerment. Who don’t possess an unhealthy spirit of competition. Because I’ve done the self work, I’m now able to attract those friends.
How important are friends to you?
Until next time…❤️